how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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