Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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