3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
