The maid of honor just puked.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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