Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
