At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
