It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
