Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
