you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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