I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
