Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
