Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
