why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize