But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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