So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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