Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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