Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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