she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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