mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
