also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
