the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
