is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
