I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
