have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
