I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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