Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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