the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
