A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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