Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
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walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
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And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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