After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
