I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
