Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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