I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My nipple is on Facebook.
we made out on top of his cat.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
