If i come over, it means nothing
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
