help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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