Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
