I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
