Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I love you. Go after that dick
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
