I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
