i'm signing you up for texting rehab
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
