Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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