New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
