I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
