i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
