so let's talk penis.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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