It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I can't turn off my feet"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
