Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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