my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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