Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My ATM looks so different sober.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
