you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Semen is not good for contacts.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
