i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
