Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
