Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
