There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
