To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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