Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
