He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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