shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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