I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
