don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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